Today I went to the bank.”Hi, I’m here

Today I went to the bank.

“Hi, I’m here to officially notify you of my husbands death.”

Gross. I still can’t believe it as it leaves my mouth. It still feels like I am telling someone else’s story. My hands shook and my heart thudded in my chest as I handed the (lovely) lady my licence and a copy of Matt’s death certificate. So surreal.

“Did he have a will?”

Did he have a will? He was 21! He was newly married! He was young and in love! He wasn’t thinking about death!

“No, he didn’t.”

I do trust God. But this still hurts so bloody much. 

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I’ve never been a great fan of my body, but Matthew had the gift of affirmation. He told me every day that I was beautiful, and he loved me just the way I am. It sounds so corny, but he completed me. I could be vulnerable with him in a way that I never have been with anyone else.

I miss him. My heart physically aches for him.

Please pray for God’s comfort to surround me.

xx zs

 

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2 thoughts on “Today I went to the bank.”Hi, I’m here

  1. My mum did exactly that only 5 months ago after my dad’s death. They were married for 52 years and she described the same symptoms and feelings. There is never a good time to loose your soul mate, but our time is not God’s time, and His time is perfect. I hold you in my prayers as I hold mum in my prayers and I won’t patronise you with cliches – just to say that this sucks and I know God gets that. He just wants us to trust that He is faithful to His promises, and one of these is that we were not promised an easy life, just one that would be taken care of, now and into eternity.
    Enid – WROK nurse

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