Today I went to the bank.
“Hi, I’m here to officially notify you of my husbands death.”
Gross. I still can’t believe it as it leaves my mouth. It still feels like I am telling someone else’s story. My hands shook and my heart thudded in my chest as I handed the (lovely) lady my licence and a copy of Matt’s death certificate. So surreal.
“Did he have a will?”
Did he have a will? He was 21! He was newly married! He was young and in love! He wasn’t thinking about death!
“No, he didn’t.”
I do trust God. But this still hurts so bloody much.
I’ve never been a great fan of my body, but Matthew had the gift of affirmation. He told me every day that I was beautiful, and he loved me just the way I am. It sounds so corny, but he completed me. I could be vulnerable with him in a way that I never have been with anyone else.
I miss him. My heart physically aches for him.
Please pray for God’s comfort to surround me.