Today has been a fairly mediocre day. I


Today has been a fairly mediocre day. I spent a bit of time in the morning walking in the bush and sitting by some waterfalls. I find this time helpful for thinking and journaling…and also getting my daily dose of vitamin D in order to prevent my skin from becoming ‘dungeon prisoner pale’.

I have been spending a fair bit of my time thinking about the importance of ministry; in particular, youth ministry. God has blessed me with a desire and passion for youth ministry, and I have missed serving in this area recently.

I believe youth ministry (e.g. youth group) is an extremely important ministry for a number of reasons, including:

  • Kids are at such an impressionable stage of their lives; both for good things (the Gospel) and bad things (sin and worldliness).
  • They can experience God’s love through their leaders (ideally) and more importantly through a relationship with Christ – which they may not be getting at home.
  • They can seek advice and wisdom from their leaders with whom they can be open and honest with.
  • Life can be short (we don’t know when each person’s time will be up – or when Jesus will return), and we have the truth which each person needs to have salvation and everlasting life with God.
  • We can provide them with regular Bible study to help guide them through life and grow in their relationships with Christ.
  • It’s a good environment for kid’s to hang out with other Christiana their age, and encourage and spur each other on in their faith.

There are many, many more reasons…these are just a few I have been thinking over. Matthew had a passion for youth and preaching the Gospel to them. He did it for his job, but also in his free time. When I was working in full-time ministry, I worked in more of a ‘evangelistic’ role; we rarely had any follow-up with the kids we ministered to, so it was more evangelising than discipleship. I personally found this challenging, as I love to see kids grow and mature in their faith, and also to  be there to support them when things are rough.

Matt’s death has also forced me to rethink my future, as our long-term plans were for me to be wife and mum. Now as an unemployed ‘single’ person I need to start thinking about some kind of job. Ideally I would love to go back into youth ministry, but I am struggling with the notion of any kind of responsibility and commitment at the moment…let alone being somewhat responsible for other’s spiritual growth. I know that God uses the most unlikely people to do great things (e.g. the apostle Paul), but I’m a whole bunch of crazy right now.

This was my prayer today;

Lord God,

I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t have the words to speak. All I can do is give my pain over to you God. Lord, please take it. Please ease it from me. Please change it into joy and Praise. Please help me see your hand in my life and in this mess. Help me see your plan for me. Please help me accept that this is your will for my life. Help me not to be angry at you for this – but help me trust you and walk faithfully in your ways. Lord God, I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what path to follow and what steps to take. Please direct me Lord in the path you have set out specifically for me.

Lord I love you and I trust you.

xx zs



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