Warning; A Somewhat Graphic Post

‘Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead…’

I miss Matt today. 

Yesterday I had lunch with an old workmate in Kangaroo Valley, which meant driving through the place where Matt had his accident. It’s a really strange experience and equally hard to describe, but here are a few thoughts I journalled when I got home;

I see the skid mark on the wrong side of the road left by Matt as he attempted to avoid the accident.

When I come around the bend (going the other way) I imagine what it would have been like for the poor man who hit him.

I wonder if Matt felt any pain.

I wonder what he was thinking as he jumped off his bike to stop it from hitting the car.

I imagine what was happening inside his body after it collided with the car and fell heavily on the road.

How long was it before he fell unconscious?

Again, was he in pain? 

Did he realise that it was the end for him?

Did he think about me?

Was he able to think at all?

I try to imagine what it was like for the the people who waited for him while the ambulance was on its way.

Did they hold his hand?

I imagine the ambulance officers cutting off his bike gear and jacket.

Removing his helmet and boots.

I imagine them driving to the show ground where they were going to meet the helicopter which would transfer him to a hospital in Sydney.

I image him being pronounced dead before it got there…

All of this is going through my head as I drive that terrible road – the one on which my beautiful husband too his last breath before meeting his Lord and Saviour.

This is one of the hardest things about Matt’s accident (besides the fact that he is gone). I have these thoughts and nightmares running through my head daily. The other thing that haunts me regularly is the response of those around me when we were informed of Matt’s death. Seeing my friends and family hurting like that is so hard for me.

Amidst all of the pain and trauma of that day, God really provided for both Matt and I. The first person to reach Matt after the accident was an ex-ambulance driver, and he knew exactly what to do while the ambulance came. The police chaplain was also there praying for Matthew as the ambulance officers worked hard to save his life. Matt was also wearing a brand new helmet and protective gear. All of these factors comfort me as I know that everything that could have been done to save him was done.

It’s a small thing but it does keep me going. 



I saw this picture on Facebook yesterday and it put me right back in my place. I often sit and feel sorry for myself and wonder why God would let something like this happen to such a beautiful and godly guy, but it is good to remember that none of us are good, and every good thing we have is a gift from God that we do not deserve.

Thank you Jesus.

xx zs


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