Setting up good patterns before engagement…

Matthew was a very thorough thinker; he rarely made rash or impulsive decisions (the very opposite of me!). There was a time part-way through last year when Matt and I were very seriously considering engagement and I was ready for him to pop the question at any moment. I knew that he had talked to my Dad about it and had the ring designed and made, but for some reason the perfect moments came and went without any kneeling on his part. 

Then one evening, he asked me to come into the lounge room and sit down. I could see that he was a bit nervous and he was holding his notebook open at a page with a lot of writing on it. (I always knew I was in trouble or he wanted to talk about something serious when he asked me to sit down with him and he pulled out his notebook). Last night I came across the notebook and I revisited the conversation in my mind, and I thought I would share a bit of what Matt had to say on that night. 

Firstly, I love you. And not that ‘wishy washy’ love but I care for you so deeply that I feel I need to bring this up even though it is really hard. I’ve been doing lots of reading and thinking over the last few days as I thought about proposing, and decided that there were some things we need to talk about before getting engaged.

Marriage is a relationship of deep commitment and sharing and this is something we should be working on and practising before engagement. I know that there are huge chunks of your past that I don’t know about, things about what you struggle with or how it affects you now, or has in the past. I know you really don’t like talking about it but if I’m going to be your husband I need to be the person who you can bring anything to, who you know knows more about you than anyone else, and still loves you.

The two main reasons we need to talk through this stuff are;

– we need to have a relationship and pattern of deep sharing, not just superficial stuff – that’s not a marriage relationship.

– to take away Satan’s foothold if you think there is anything you have to say that will make me leave you/ change my feelings. I have a ring! I am committed! 

The reason I wanted to share this is to highlight Matt’s godliness and faithfulness – both to me and his King. He was such a servant hearted guy and I hope there are men out there that can be encouraged, challenged or inspired by him. 

xx zs 


One thought on “Setting up good patterns before engagement…

  1. What a guy. This warms my heart. I remember hearing from you a couple of days after this and you were a bit frustrated but in hindsight it’s sooo evident how in love he was. So special.

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