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I saw my psych today. I’ve been seeing her pretty regularly since Matt’s accident, and it has been really beneficial to speak to someone who is a Christian and who knows a lot about grief and depression. 

One of the daily challenges that I am facing is trying to discern between the symptoms of clinical depression and the depression that comes with grief and loss. I have personally been treated for depression for the past few years, and now I am beginning to see the return of many of the symptoms that I previously experienced. My psychologist has assured me that what I am experiencing now is completely normal and expected for someone who has gone through trauma.

Today we discussed my sleeping patterns. Over the past few weeks I have been experiencing general lethargy and tiredness. I feel the need to nap during the day, and if I don’t I often crash before 8pm. Unfortunately I am also waking up most nights at 2am and then again around 6am. On top of this are the nightly dreams that don’t allow me to rest properly. It’s a vicious cycle.

So here’s what she proposed: If I need to nap, I should do it around lunch time (no later) and only for an hour. Then I have to try and stay awake until at least 10.30pm, which will hopefully help me sleep right through the night.

I hope it works, because at the moment I’m feeling less-and-less like doing anything at all, and more-and-more like this whenever I go out in public:

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xx zs

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2 thoughts on “

  1. From what I understand and what I have experienced myself, this really is a very normal part of grief and widowhood… a normal response to a grossly abnormal situation, if you will. Sleep issues and sleep disturbance are difficult. I’m glad you are seeing someone who understands, encourages you, and is willing to help you find solutions. Be gentle with yourself. There is no ‘perfect’ way through it.

    Also, I *love* that you used a pic from Hyperbole and a Half. Just yesterday I happened to re-read the post that illustration is from. :-) What a great choice you made!

    Monica

    ps – have you ever read A Grief Observed by CS Lewis? Just thought you might find it helpful. He talks about the depths and difficulties of his grief in ways that I found reassuring, helping me know I wasn’t crazy or wrong or alone in my struggles. Just a thought.
    xoxo

    • Thanks Monica :) Yes I have read A Grief Observed, and also found it amazingly helpful. I love the way he just spills his thoughts out onto the page, regardless of how ‘un-christian’ they sound. It was a breath of fresh air and assures me that what I am feeling is ok
      xx zs

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