I saw my psych today. I’ve been seeing her pretty regularly since Matt’s accident, and it has been really beneficial to speak to someone who is a Christian and who knows a lot about grief and depression.
One of the daily challenges that I am facing is trying to discern between the symptoms of clinical depression and the depression that comes with grief and loss. I have personally been treated for depression for the past few years, and now I am beginning to see the return of many of the symptoms that I previously experienced. My psychologist has assured me that what I am experiencing now is completely normal and expected for someone who has gone through trauma.
Today we discussed my sleeping patterns. Over the past few weeks I have been experiencing general lethargy and tiredness. I feel the need to nap during the day, and if I don’t I often crash before 8pm. Unfortunately I am also waking up most nights at 2am and then again around 6am. On top of this are the nightly dreams that don’t allow me to rest properly. It’s a vicious cycle.
So here’s what she proposed: If I need to nap, I should do it around lunch time (no later) and only for an hour. Then I have to try and stay awake until at least 10.30pm, which will hopefully help me sleep right through the night.
I hope it works, because at the moment I’m feeling less-and-less like doing anything at all, and more-and-more like this whenever I go out in public: