Fear . . .


What are you afraid of? What do you fear?

I remember having this conversation with Matthew once. Back then, my biggest fear was was completely selfish and shameful.

What was Matt’s greatest fear? 

That something terrible would happen to me, or that for some reason he wouldn’t be around to look after me. Such a selfless man.

Iv’e been thinking about fear a bit this week. I think that my biggest fear (and Matt’s) has become my reality. But now that it has happened – that Matthew is gone – what do I fear?

I fear living without Matthew for another 60+ years.

I fear the very high possibility that I will never be a mum or have my own family.

I fear the death of my friends and family – I don’t know if I could go through this all again.

And to be honest, sometimes I fear God’s plans for my life. I know that God is good and His plans are perfect but so far, amongst many blessings, it has been fairly shitty.

I fear that I don’t trust Him enough.

So as I wake each morning I am praying that God’s perfect love would drive out my fear, that He would surround me with His peace and wisdom.

xx zs



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